Six Business Technologies That Don’t Work

Decades since the advent of personal computing, there are nonetheless too many enterprise technologies that don’t work. Oh, the hardware and software firms will inform you that they do. But they nonetheless do not get it. For example, visit Microsoft’s help website online and kind in “Microsoft Word Error” (pass over the prices). I did this and was given 2,380,000 effects. Is this indicative of something running?


Of route, I’m no longer entirely truthful. Many of these consequences go lower back in time. Most are minor issues or maybe because of my blend of search keywords. And, aside from Windows Vista, Microsoft is a great enterprise that makes true products. All I recognize is thank God they don’t build airplanes.

The hassle is that people inside the generation commercial enterprise seem to have a unique definition of while something “works.” To me, when something works, it works all the time.

For example, we are in all likelihood the most effective family in my county that doesn’t personal a digital TV. We have a huge Zenith within the residing room that I offered greater than ten years ago, and it is…Quality. Yes, I’m a cheapskate. But the issue works! And certainly, do I really need to peer a close-up of Kirstie Alley dancing the Flamenco? The identical goes for my fridge. It’s by no means failed me. Neither has any of the lamps in my residence. Or my indoor plumbing. Or the cellphone. Or an episode of Seinfeld. Or a Whopper from Burger King. These matters may be counted on to paintings for me whenever I need them.

I wish I should say the same for my Tivo, which nevertheless can’t appear to record the proper channel all of the time. Or my satellite tv for pc provider from Sirius, which always appears to head blank at the precise second whilst Howard is about to mention something funny. But these are annoyances what’s more than an annoyance, whilst the technology that I’m used to running my commercial enterprise isn’t always dependable or regular. In other words: while it does not make paintings. And, at least six times, that is going on too often.

The Cloud. For instance, cloud packages can be the first-rate. However, the cloud remains not a running platform for lots of businesses, each huge and small. We have a few customers who’ve outsourced their inner computers to organizations that provide them with a controlled cloud-primarily based service. It’s “OK,” says one client who did not need to be named in this column. Just OK. That’s because, commonly, the performance is gradual.

It depends on the rate of the internet in which human beings are, and the time of day they may be trying to get something performed. Integrating programs via the layers of permissions has been hard. There had been more than one instance wherein services went down. In all cases, these customers muddled via the issue. But nobody’s operating quicker due to it.

Security and reliability within the cloud still would not work. Not while our biggest, maximum “depended on” corporations like Google, Sony and Amazon are dropping hundreds of hundreds of emails, misplacing personal protection statistics, or going dark for hours and hours.

Why do you believe you studied maximum companies, particularly inside the monetary services and healthcare industries, are not going for walks to the cloud? It’s because they have got susceptible facts, and they’re required, by regulation, to hold it that way. Sure, cloud packages have numerous capabilities. The future of this era looks bright. My employer sells a few of those. And insure cases, these answers are a terrific option for plenty of companies. But if you’ve were given a mission essential, exceptionally sensitive gadget which you rely on to run your business, you are no longer transferring it to the cloud yet. That’s because the cloud still would not work.

IE9. I express regret if it seems like I’m choosing Microsoft right here. But Internet Explorer 9 does not paintings either. I need to recognize. I upgraded to Microsoft’s new browser approximately three weeks in the past. And two days, once I upgraded, I needed to download Mozilla’s Firefox browser. Why? Because many websites were not running well with my new and advanced IE9. For instance, the very weblog that I’m now writing cannot be uploaded thru Forbes’ blogging tools like I ought to after I become the usage of a preceding version of Internet Explorer.

Is this Forbes’ fault? Is this some form of configuration difficulty? I do not know. Forbes makes use of WordPress, the famous blogging platform. Certain graphics on different websites do not appear efficaciously, if at all. Is this going on all the time? Of path not. For the most element, I’m browsing first-rate using IE9. But I’m strolling into the show and overall performance problems that I should not be handled in this past due to the age of internet browsers.

Google’s Apps. Does anyone get this one? I use Google Voice, and evidently, when I get approximately fifty voicemail messages, I can now not call in and retrieve them, so as of once, they had been received. So that doesn’t work. My BlackBerry’s Google Maps is slow as molasses and every so often would not supply me the proper position I need, so I still need to print out MapQuest instructions after I go on the street. So that does not make paintings.

Also, am I the only commercial enterprise proprietor who hasn’t found out how to use AdWords efficiently? I realize I’m now not the brightest bulb within the bunch, but I’ve attempted each key-word mixture within the globe and nonetheless can’t locate my agency anywhere whilst searching. However, my stability of greenbacks receives depleted inexplicably. I’ve spent an excessive amount of time and money seeking to get this to paintings for me and feature given up. Fail.

Skype Video. Skype Video would not paintings for me both. Ever seen what I appear to be in my undies? It ain’t pretty. Just ask any range of my youngsters’ buddies who have visible this traumatic photograph of me in the historical past (and in crystal readability) whilst video-chatting on their MacBooks. My son additionally video-chats on his iPhone.

The pleasant is top-notch. The overall performance is superb. I’m a Windows man, and darn it; I need to video chat with my clients too. So I do that using Skype. And the result is…Meh. The picture is grainy. The performance is terrible…Stilted, sluggish, uneven. I’ve tried this from many special locations and with some of the unique human beings. And the results are usually equal. Skype video is inferior to Apple’s video-chatting. Maybe I need to pay to apply for a higher video carrier for my business. But why? Apple’s video chatting is free.

Printing. Amazingly, maximum workplace printers don’t paintings either. My clients grumble approximately them all of the time. Those new “wireless” printers mysteriously disappear from the community only to surprisingly re-seem minutes later. Where do they cross? Even printers can be difficult-stressed out to a server now and then go AWOL for unknown motives. Anyone who receives the “printer can’t be determined” message knows what I’m speaking to me approximately.

We’re all used to rebooting servers and printers to clear out the print spool due to the fact, for reasons unexplained, a million print jobs get queued up and cannot be completed. Paper nonetheless receives jammed, much like we are nonetheless in an episode of Mad Men. While these problems arise, the printers’ blunder managing techniques never appear to know how to take care of the mistake, ensuing missing pages or incomplete jobs. We are given inferior printer generation like we are given rush hour visitors and Piers Morgan. An important evil.

Reports. After eighteen years of promoting business software, do you know what problem remains primary for a maximum of my clients? Reporting. Software makers get all wrapped up in attractive new features and capabilities and hundreds of methods of doing the identical factor. They appear to forget the maximum essential use in their products: maximum commercial enterprise software program applications are structures constructed around databases. And the facts continue to be now not completely on hand.


Sure, some carriers include lots of news with their merchandise. But God forbid if an employer wants to create their very own file. Or customize a current document. Or need to get admission to facts remotely from their cell tool. Or need to give their clients the ability to retrieve order data when they want. This can be performed; however, it nearly usually calls for darkish magic. And the use of out of doors experts. Maybe the product’s internal reporting tools may be jiggered. Or perhaps a third birthday celebration reporting device (like SAP’s Crystal Reports) must be deployed.

In any case, it’s no longer smooth. It’s highly-priced. And the minute something modifications, like an, improve or a brand new reporting call for, the whole lot breaks down. Reporting technology continues to be a mystery for maximum small corporations. The basic statistics are retrievable. But the crucial analysis, custom-designed for the business enterprise’s maximum effective use, isn’t. This stuff still doesn’t work.

It’s 2011. Software and hardware have been around for lots many years. Business human beings, tiny commercial enterprise people, don’t need many of the latest functions in their purchase. They want merchandise to be able to make it quicker and better to run their companies profitably. All the time. Reliably. Consistently. Without fail. In different words, we need technology that works. And I clearly need to start wearing a gown while taking walks around my residence at night time!

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Spent a year testing the market for sock monkeys in Naples, FL. My current pet project is donating robotic shrimp in Hanford, CA. Spent several months getting my feet wet with weed whackers worldwide. Spent 2001-2006 training shaving cream in Hanford, CA. Crossed the country lecturing about bathtub gin in West Palm Beach, FL. Spent 2001-2007 implementing licorice with no outside help.

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