Six Business Technologies That Don’t Work

Decades since the advent of personal computing, too many enterprise technologies don’t work. Oh, the hardware and software firms will inform you that they do. But they nevertheless do not get it. For example, visit Microsoft’s help website online and click on “Microsoft Word Error” (pass over the prices). I did this and was given 2,380,000 effects. Is this indicative of something running?

Of course, I’m no longer entirely truthful. Many of these consequences go lower back in time. Most are minor issues, or maybe because of my blend of search keywords. And, aside from Windows Vista, Microsoft is a great enterprise that makes true products. All I recognize is thank God they don’t build airplanes.

The hassle is that people inside the generation commercial enterprise seem to have a unique definition of how something “works.” To me, when something works, it works all the time.

Business Technologies

For example, we are, in all likelihood, the most effective family in my county that doesn’t own a digital TV. We have a huge Zenith within the residing room that I offered more than ten years ago, and it is…Quality. Yes, I’m a cheapskate. But the issue works! And certainly, do I need to peer a close-up of Kirstie Alley dancing the Flamenco? The same goes for my fridge. It’s by no means failed me. Neither has any of the lamps in my residence. Or my indoor plumbing. Or the cellphone. Or an episode of Seinfeld. Or a Whopper from Burger King. These matters may be counted on to paintings whenever I need them.

I wish I could say the same for my Tivo, which nevertheless can’t appear to record the proper channel all of the time. Or my satellite TV for PC provider from Sirius, which always seems to head blank at the precise second while Howard is about to mention something funny. But these are annoyances tmore than an annoyance, while the technology I’m used to running my commercial enterprise isn’t always dependable or regular. In other words, while it does not make paintings. And, at least six times, that is going on too often.

The Cloud. For instance, cloud packages can be first-rate. However, the cloud remains not a running platform for many businesses, each huge and small. We have a few customers who’ve outsourced their inner computers to organizations that provide them with a controlled cloud-primarily-based service. It’s “OK,” says one client who did not need to be named in this column. Just OK. That’s because, commonly, the performance is gradual.

It depends on the rate of the internet in which human beings are and the time of day they may be trying to get something performed. Integrating programs via the layers of permissions has been hard. There had been more than one instance wherein services went down. In all cases, these customers muddled via the issue. But nobody’s operating quicker due to it.

Security and reliability within the cloud still would not work. Not while our biggest, maximum “depended on” corporations like Google, Sony, and Amazon are dropping hundreds of emails, misplacing personal protection statistics, or going dark for hours and hours.

Why do you believe you studied maximum companies, particularly inside the monetary services and healthcare industries, are not going for walks to the cloud? It’s because they have susceptible facts, and they’re required, by regulation, to hold it that way. Sure, cloud packages have numerous capabilities. The future of this era looks bright. My employer sells a few of those. In certain cases, these answers are a terrific option for plenty of companies. But if you’ve been given a mission essential, exceptionally sensitive gadget that you rely on to run your business, you are no longer transferring it to the cloud yet. That’s because the cloud still would not work.

IE9. I express regret if it seems like I’m choosing Microsoft right here. But Internet Explorer 9 does not paint either. I need to recognize. I upgraded to Microsoft’s new browser approximately three weeks ago. And two days, once I upgraded, I needed to download Mozilla’s Firefox browser. Why? Because many websites were not running well with my new and advanced IE9. For instance, the weblog I’m writing cannot be uploaded through Forbes’ blogging tools like I ought to after using a preceding version of Internet Explorer.

Is this Forbes’ fault? Is this some form of configuration difficulty? I do not know. Forbes makes use of WordPress, the famous blogging platform. Certain graphics on different websites do not appear efficiently, if at all. Is this going on all the time? Of path not. For the most element, I’m browsing first-rate using IE9. But I’m strolling into the show and overall performance problems that I should not have handled in the past due to the age of internet browsers.

Google’s Apps. Does anyone get this one? I use Google Voice, and when I get approximately fifty voicemail messages, I can no longer call in and retrieve them, so they have been received at once. So that doesn’t work. My BlackBerry’s Google Maps is slow as molasses and occasionally would not supply me with the proper position I need, so I still need to print out MapQuest instructions after I go on the street. So that does not make paintings.

Also, am I the only commercial enterprise proprietor who hasn’t learned how to use AdWords efficiently? I realize I’m now not the brightest bulb within the bunch, but I’ve attempted each keyword mixture within the globe and can’t locate my agency anywhere while searching. However, my stability of greenbacks has depleted inexplicably. I’ve spent excessive time and money seeking to get this to paintings for me and have given up. Fail.

Skype Video. Skype Video would not paintings for me. Ever seen what I appear to be in my undies? It isn’t pretty. Ask any range of my youngsters’ buddies who have seen this traumatic photograph of me in the historical past (and in crystal readability) while video-chatting on their MacBooks. My son additionally video-chats on his iPhone.

The pleasant is top-notch. The overall performance is superb. I’m a Windows man, and darn it, I need to video chat with my clients, too. So, I do that using Skype. And the result is…Meh. The picture is grainy. The performance is terrible…Stilted, sluggish, uneven. I’ve tried this from many special locations and with some unique human beings. And the results are usually equal. Skype video is inferior to Apple’s video chatting. Maybe I need to pay to apply for a higher video carrier for my business. But why? Apple’s video chatting is free.

Printing. Amazingly, most workplace printers don’t paint either. My clients grumble about them all of the time. Those new “wireless” printers mysteriously disappear from the community only to surprisingly re-seem minutes later. Where do they cross? Even printers can be difficult to serve now and then go AWOL for unknown motives. Anyone who receives the “printer can’t be determined” message knows what I’m discussing.

We’re all used to rebooting servers and printers to clear out the print spool because, for unexplained reasons, a million print jobs get queued up and cannot be completed. Nevertheless, Paper receives jammed, much like we are in an episode of Mad Men. While these problems arise, the printers’ blunder managing techniques never appear to know how to correct the mistake, resulting in missing pages or incomplete jobs. We are given inferior printer generation like rush hour visitors and Piers Morgan. An important evil.

Reports. After eighteen years of promoting business software, do you know what problem remains primary for a maximum of my clients? Reporting. Software makers get all wrapped up in attractive new features and capabilities and hundreds of methods of doing the identical factor. They appear to forget the maximum essential use in their products: leading commercial enterprise software program applications are structures constructed around databases. And the facts continue to be not completely on hand now.

Sure, some carriers include lots of news with their merchandise. But God forbid if an employer wants to create their very own file. Or customize a current document. Or need to get admission to facts remotely from their cell tool. Or need to give their clients the ability to retrieve order data when they want. This can be performed; however, it nearly usually calls for darkish magic. And the use of out of door experts. Maybe the product’s internal reporting tools may be jiggered. Or perhaps a third birthday celebration reporting device (like SAP’s Crystal Reports) must be deployed.

In any case, it’s no longer smooth. It’s highly priced. And the minute something modifications, like an improvement or a brand new reporting call, the whole lot breaks down. Reporting technology continues to be a mystery for most small corporations. The basic statistics are retrievable. But the crucial analysis, custom-designed for the business enterprise’s full effective use, isn’t. This stuff still doesn’t work.

It’s 2011. Software and hardware have been around for many, many years. Business human beings, tiny commercial enterprise people, don’t need many of the latest functions in their purchase. They want merchandise to make it quicker and better to run their companies profitably. All the time. Reliable. Consistently. Without fail. In other words, we need technology that works. And I must start wearing a gown while walking around my residence at night!

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Spent a year testing the market for sock monkeys in Naples, FL. My current pet project is donating robotic shrimp in Hanford, CA. Spent several months getting my feet wet with weed whackers worldwide. Spent 2001-2006 training shaving cream in Hanford, CA. Crossed the country lecturing about bathtub gin in West Palm Beach, FL. Spent 2001-2007 implementing licorice with no outside help.